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Dear Subscriber First Name, Your child just hit you. Or threw something. Or headbutted you in the knee while you were sitting on the couch. And you are standing there trying to figure out what just happened and what you are supposed to do next. Here is what is happening. Your child's brain is busy developing and the prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed yet. Impulse control and self-regulation won't be fully developed for a while. That means your child is not only high energy, they also have big feelings, and when those two things collide, the body often acts before the brain has a chance to catch up. So what do you do about it? This is just one piece of a full handout created exclusively for Together We Grow members. Here is the order of operations. Step 1 — Stop the behavior IN THE MOMENT Before anything else, the behavior has to stop. And in that moment, words don't work. When a child is dysregulated, language processing shuts down and they cannot hear you the way you need them to. So meet physical with physical, calmly and without anger. Hold their hands, step out of reach, or redirect their body. Get to their eye level and wait. Say nothing yet. Your calm, still presence is the intervention. Step 2 — Use the agreed upon consequence IMMEDIATELY AFTER This is where a lot of parents get stuck because a consequence only works if your child already knows it is coming. Not as a surprise in the heat of the moment, but something you talked about together at a calm, neutral time. When a child already knows what happens next, following through feels fair instead of illogical. "You hit with the truck, so the truck is taking a break." Then move on. No lengthy explanation, no negotiating. The consequence speaks for itself. Step 3 — Revisit it LATER Later, when everyone is calm and connected, come back to it. Not to re-lecture or make them feel bad, but to reconnect, name the feeling that came before the behavior, and practice together what they can do differently next time. This is also the time to revisit the consequences — what happened, why, and what you will both do next time. This is where the real learning happens. Not in the moment, but in the processing that comes after it.
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